


Starring Role

by thedevilherself



Category: Loki - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Asgardians - Freeform, F/M, Fluff and Angst, God of Mischief, Jötunn Loki, Kidnapping, Marvel Universe, Mild Sexual Content, Partner Betrayal, Pre-Thor (2011), Thor Is Not Stupid, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-06
Updated: 2016-08-17
Packaged: 2018-07-22 00:31:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7411310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedevilherself/pseuds/thedevilherself
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sigyn was promised to Loki the day she was born and is about to be wed to him when she turns 18. But there are other things on her mind that she's been meaning to keep hidden from her betrothed- and for good reason. If she were to be caught, her life and the life of her family would be in danger, but her future husband may have a way to help her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys like my twist on this imagine! Likes, comments, and feedback is greatly appreciated :) Also this is pre-thor movie

It had been way too long- two years probably. I hadn’t seen Prince Loki in about two years time, not that we ever spoke when we saw each other. Even though I was born into nobility, I was taught never to approach the royal family unless I was called upon by them. I would glance at Loki every once in a while, catching him looking back, but, other than that, I kept my distance.

Well, as much distance as I could.

“Can you at least pretend to be listening to me?” Alva scolded. My sister was glaring right at me as she spoke, inspecting my ever expression and move. She was dressed in a golden silk dress that created a tail behind her as she walked. Her hair was tied up into a braid with strands of hair falling out, making her look like an Asgardian warrior and goddess mixed in one.

I shrugged while still staring at the dress laid out on my bed before me. "If that will ease your anxiety, then yes sister,“ I responded indifferently. There was simply too much on my mind for me to care about “tradition” in these matters. I grew up in a noble family in Asgard for my whole life. I had to learn and relearn these traditions as I grew up so I believed I could do it without too much trouble. Besides, that wasn’t what I was worried about.

“I know you’re nervous,” Alva broke my trance and walked besides me to look into my eyes. I scowled at her understatement. "Ok, you’re more than nervous. I get that, but he’s known you since you were a baby. It’s not like he’s going to be shocked or reject you. You have to relax and remember your manners and how to act in front of royalty.“

I knew Alva cared deeply for me. All she wanted was for me to be happy, but we both knew that this marriage wasn’t debatable no matter what. And from a young age we both had heard rumors going around about Loki and his brother, especially about their “lady friends." I would be lying if I said that it didn’t hurt to hear these things when I knew all along I was to be his wife, but I always let it go. We weren’t married yet.

"Can you help me put this dress on?” I asked Alva. She zipped up my black dress and clipped my choker behind my neck. My gown flowed around my feet, but it was nothing compared to Alva’s dress. 

Alva smirked at me in the mirror and shook her head. "You know mother is going to kill you, right?“ she reminded me. "You’re wearing black to your engagement feast and not green for your husband.”

I knew this was coming. Sighing, I turned around to face my sister. “I’ve already told you the reason why. I have thought this through, believe it or not. I spoke with noble advisors and friends of the royal family, and they all told me not to wear green tonight. The prince isn’t fond of an easy catch.”

Alva’s laugh could be heard throughout my entire chamber. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as she teased, “You’ve been arranged to marry him! How much easier could it get for him?”

As my sister went to open the door to the hallway, I faced her and looked into her eyes, the blue shining brightly even in the dimly lit room. "You know I have to do this. We need this. Our family needs this, and I will not forget that.“

Alva paused, the door halfway open. She quickly closed the door, the breeze blowing my dark hair in my face. "Keep your voice down,” she hissed. “I know exactly why we’re doing this, but that doesn’t mean you can bring it up when we’re in the open.” Her face was visibly shaken, but she soon shook it off and took a deep breath. “Stop thinking about it. Go out there, calm down, and enjoy yourself. Breathe in the time you have left being unwed. I will be with you the whole time.”

~~~

The ballroom was crowded with nobles and royalty from all over the realms, dancing and drinking the night away. The marble floor reflected the party back to the viewers who were on it, and the chandeliers hung from the golden ceilings. One chandelier in particular caught my attention as I passed it. It was decorated with gems and jewels carven by the dwarves and placed purposefully on the different branches.

My mother found me almost immediately. “You look beautiful Sigyn,” she said sincerely. I breathed a sigh of relief as she never mentioned the black dress. “Your betrothed is up at the high table with the rest of the royal family, but, first, we should make the rounds and greet all your guests." I nodded and followed her lead.

Just as my mother had said, Loki was seated beside Thor and Queen Frigga at the high table. His black hair was pushed back and out of his face, emphasizing his cheekbones. His armor was impressive to say the least, but nothing could beat his emerald eyes that pierced everyone they fell upon. He was nothing short of gorgeous, and all the ladies of Asgard flocked to him and his brother, enchanted by their beauty.

I refused to stare for too long in fear that he would catch me. I occasionally glanced up at him to see him conversing with a beautiful light elf, Gyda. I had known Gyda for a few years and was well aware of her fascination with the dark prince, but I wouldn’t let it bother me. As long as he didn’t pry into my life, I would keep out of his, too.

"My darling, Sigyn,” a voice called behind me. Queen Frigga stood straight with her hands folded behind her back, waiting for me patiently. I bowed, causing her to wave me off. “You’re family now. There’s no need to bow my daughter.”

I blushed at her kind words. “Queen Frigga-,” I started, but she interrupted before I could get another word out. “Just Frigga my dear.” “Frigga,” I started again, “thank you for this gracious feast. It is magnificent.”

Frigga hooked her arm with mine and walked me to the high table. “It was no burden princess. I was more than happy to celebrate your engagement with my son in this way.”

Her reassuring words did nothing to calm my nerves. This would be the first time I would speak with the prince, and all I could worry about is how he would read me. It was no secret Loki was the God of Lies, but it was also well known that the prince was very intuitive and was famous for his diplomacy skills because of this talent, which wasn’t good news for me. I straightened my back and calmed my heartbeat.

“My son,” Frigga called to Loki. She touched his shoulder, causing him to turn from his conversation with Gyda. His eyes caught mine, and a small smirk appeared on his lips. Mischief was alive in his eyes, and I almost turned around and left, afraid I had already been given away. “Meet the Lady Sigyn. And Sigyn, please meet my son, Loki.”

I smiled as best as I could and bowed deeply. As I came to stand again, I caught Loki smirking more visibly at me now. I kept staring back in silence, willing him to be the first one to make a move.

Loki obliged. He took my hand to his mouth and kissed my knuckles. “It’s lovely to finally meet you Lady Sigyn,” he said. “Please have a seat.” I did as he said and sat across from him as my mother and Alva sat beside me.

“I have heard much about you Lady Sigyn,” Loki continued, completely ignoring Gyda now. “But, please, tell me about yourself. I’d rather hear it from you.”

I watched him suspiciously, not certain of whether he was being sincere or not. It was almost impossible to get a read on him. “Please call me Sigyn, my prince,” I responded as Loki sat down, everyone else following him.

“Of course, Sigyn,” he tested out my name, pleased with it. “Then I must ask you to call me Loki.”

I nodded and smiled at him, shifting uncomfortable in my seat. I was lost on his intentions or his thoughts, and it frustrated me. “Well, Loki, there’s not much to tell,” I started, deciding to respond to his original question.

“Oh, I highly doubt that darling.” He grinned at me, but his eyes were full of amusement. He was having a good time with this, and I would play along.

“I do enjoy reading,” I stated, ignoring his statement. “I go riding every once in a while with my father, but, mostly, I practice with my knives and other weapons.”

Loki’s eyes lit up at the mention of my knives. “You’re skilled with daggers? I must see you in the training yard, then.”

I looked up from my plate. His eyes were watching me intensely, and I couldn’t help but stare back. "I hate to disappoint sire, but, unfortunately, the knives I speak of are banned from the palace. But I’m sure you know of that.“

My mother kicked me under the table, appalled I would admit such a thing to the prince and still act in such a manner. But Loki only grinned wider and leaned back in his chair. I had his full attention now. "I did not think the rumors were true,” he laughed. “You must forgive me, but it is hard to believe that a lady such as yourself has the power to wield such a weapon. Its effects are catastrophic. Even men in Thor’s troops are too wary to pick one up in battle.”

Thor rolled his eyes at his brother’s comment. “Such power does not belong in just anyone's hands. Vana knives have magic within them and can transform into any weapon the holder choses. That kind of power can take down kingdoms if one is careless.”

I simply watched the two brothers exchange words, not daring to speak up. My food was almost untouched so I took the time to finish it. I looked around at the people enjoying the feast- most of them drinking with friends while others whisked away lovers to more private quarters. It all fascinated me.

All too soon Loki brought me out of my reverie. “I apologize if we are boring you Sigyn,” Loki said sternly. Obviously he did not enjoy being ignored or forgotten.

I raised my eyebrows and laughed before I could stop myself. Both Loki and Thor looked taken aback that I would simply wave off Loki’s warning. “You do not bore me Loki,” I assured him, trying to hold back more laughter. “I can promise you that. It entertains me to see you and Prince Thor try to understand Vana knives.”

Thor laughed loudly, leaning back in his chair and almost falling off. My mother stepped in to save the day. “My lord she meant no offense. My daughter is simply having a rough time adjusting to life in the palace.”

Loki did not even seem to hear my mother’s words. He was staring at me, a hint of mischief in his eyes and a wide grin forming on his lips. “It seems me and you are going to have some fun then.”

I gulped down my drink, shivers running down my spine. For the first time that night, I refused to meet his eyes with my head bowed low as if I was very interested in my empty plate. His words were being repeated in my head constantly throughout the rest of the night. Whenever Loki would look in my direction, there was also a smugness in his expression. I understood very clearly what he was trying to tell me: he was the one in control now.


	2. Chapter 2

The rest of the evening went off without incident, much to my mother’s relief. She barely looked at me during the rest of dinner, and I could no longer gather up the courage to leave Alva and socialize with strangers.

The only good thing of the night was that Loki did not talk to me after dinner. He was surrounded by friends, fellow warriors. family, and noblewomen. I, on the other hand, was surrounded only by Alva, who was talking to Odin’s warriors. So I was left to fend for myself in this cage of wolves.

Not realizing I was already on my third drink, I grabbed another on the table behind me. I finished it too soon and put it back down with more force than I intended, causing the glass to crack.

The noise caught Alva’s attention, and she pulled me away from the crowd. “You have to be kidding me Sigyn,” she muttered. She looked around to see if anyone could listen in on us, and, when she found none, she shot back to me. “You manage to almost ruin everything at dinner to being drunk off wine at your own feast. I can’t tell which is worse to tell you the truth. I can’t even begin to fathom what the prince is thinking right now. He’s probably begging King Odin to cancel the wedding-”

“Woah,” I stopped her. She was beginning to turn red from talking so much, and it was making me dizzy. “First of all, it’s going to take more than 3 glasses of wine to get me drunk.”

“Try 4,” Alva snapped. I didn’t respond, confused about what she was trying to tell me. “Try 4 glasses of wine. Not 3.”

The number difference didn’t change my mind. “Sorry, 4 glasses of wine,” I retorted, my patience getting low. “I’m still not drunk. I might be a little bit buzzed, but still all my drinks were spaced out. Secondly, Loki isn’t begging to the Allfather. See, he’s right there flirting with Astrid.”

Alva sighed deeply. She was the only person who was constantly fighting for me and supporting me. My mother supported me, but she was still glued to her ideas of Asgardian tradition. No one ever treated me like Alva did. She was my closest friend, and she knew how nervous I was. My anxiety was coming in waves whenever I was near the prince.

Alva looked over to the prince and Astrid, thinking something over in her head. She suddenly swept by me and went to Loki’s side. My heart took a jump, and I almost yelled her name before I saw she was right by Loki. This did nothing to help my nerves.

I couldn’t hear anything they were saying, but it was clear Alva was trying to get Loki to follow her over to me. He seemed willing enough and let her lead the way.

To say I was about to run for my life was an understatement. My skin felt like it was peeling off, and my head spun wildly. “Ah, Sigyn, there you are,” Alva called. She put her hand on his arm and led him towards me.

“I was wondering why you disappeared,” I said through gritted teeth. “You went and found yourself a prince.”

“And it happens to be your prince, Lady Sigyn,” Loki stated, looking pleased with himself. The words “your prince” caused a my heart to miss a beat. “I was on my way to find you actually.”

“Again, just call me Sigyn,” I reminded him, biting my tongue. I couldn’t risk another embarrassing moment. “Were you on your way to find me? Funny. I thought you looked very engaged in your conversation with the ladies over there.”

Loki didn’t try to hide his amusement, laughing and nodding his head. “You are correct. I was in a conversation with Lady Astrid, but now I am with my betrothed. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

Alva slowly stepped back from the conversation until she was safe to walk away. I didn’t even notice as I looked back to Loki, incredulous. “What are you even talking about? I wasn’t the one who went to retrieve you. I was perfectly alright with just being with my sister.” As I looked around for Alva, I saw she had left me.

“Well what is it you want then?”

I turned back to Loki, surprised by his words. How was I supposed to answer that? He didn’t actually think I would be honest with him, did he? But then again, he would know if I was lying to him.

“To leave,” I blurted out. It was better than anything else I had thought of.

Loki simply nodded his head and stepped close to me, making me take a step back. “Do not be afraid of me, dove,” he whispered. No one else was aware of our interaction; no one could hear a thing we were saying. It all terrified me. “I am not going to hurt you. I was simply wondering if you wanted me to take you back to your chambers.”

I let a breath out, which Loki noticed. His lip twitched into a small smile, and I couldn’t tell if he was amused or disappointed about me believing he’d hurt me.

Shaking my head, I felt a twinge of annoyance. “There’s no need my prince,” I quickly assured him. “I’m more than capable of walking to my chambers alone.”

Loki chuckled softly, looking down and away from my eyes. If I didn’t know him any better I would say he looked a little shy. “I know you are,” he said. His eyes finally met mine again, and those green irises took my breath away. "But that is not why I was asking.“

I felt my face blush at his meaning. The thought of being alone with Loki near my chambers made my heart race. I didn’t want to give myself away or embarrass myself, but I couldn’t say no to the prince. “Well then, let’s be on our way sire.”

All the people in attendance stared at Loki and I as we walked out of the ballroom, arm in arm. There were a few whistles. Loki didn’t seem bothered by it, only chuckling at them. I, though, was turning red. I praised the Gods that the hallways were dark so Loki didn’t witness me blushing.

I was the one to break the silence between us. “Why did you want me alone,” I asked softly. I was trying not to anger him, avoiding another fight.

“You were promised to me the day you were born,” he stated, but his eyes grew soft. “For what reason, I’m not sure. To keep relationships between your family and mine secure? Possibly. But for whatever reason, we cannot change it.”

Where was he going with this? My stomach was churning. Nothing about this felt good. “Change it? No, my prince. We can’t change the wedding, but what we can change is our relationship.”

Loki grabbed my hand gently, making me face him. He was grinning at me again, but he looked more genuine, more sincere. “I am glad you agree.”

“But I am not naïve, Loki. I know this marriage is nothing more than a document. I wish to be friends. I understand I will not be the only one warming your bed.”

Loki furrowed his eyebrows. “What are you talking about-”

“All I ask is that I never see one of them with you, in our room, or at family gatherings. I don’t even want to know their names. Just be discreet about it for my sake.”

Loki took my hand, his thumb running circles on my palm. “I can see the rumors have made their way to your house as well,” he mumbled. “Most of them are true, I won’t lie to you. In fact, I will do my very best not to lie to you. I have every intention of honoring this marriage.”

“People do change Loki,” I whispered. I took my hand back, holding it to my breast. “Either way, I will not stop you.”

“Hmm.” Loki cupped my cheek and planted a kiss on my forehead. I could feel actual butterflies in my stomach. It was ridiculous, I didn’t even like the guy that much. I also barely knew him. “I hope you’re right. We'll be having so much more fun when you start warming up to me.”

He flashed me another smile before walking away, leaving me stunned at my bedroom door. I hurried inside and crumbled on the bed, rerunning the whole conversation through my head and picking apart each word. I was analyzing his expression, his body language, and his movements. I was acting like a little girl, but I couldn’t help it. He made me feel different, more out of control, which I usually hated but now, it made me giggle.

Oh boy, I was in trouble.


	3. Chapter 3

“I’m not going.”

I stared down my mother and sister as they held out a long green dress for me to wear for my dinner with Loki tonight. He had invited me this morning through a messenger, much to my mother’s delight. I, on the other hand, was anything but pleased.

“Don’t be ridiculous Sigyn,” Alva snorted. She laid the dress carefully on my bed and turned me around. She carefully started working my hair into a beautiful braid that could match hers from last night.

I sighed heavily, putting my face in my hands. This was my worst nightmare coming to life. “I don’t know how to act around him,” I cried, holding onto false hope that my mother would let me back out. But I knew a royal invitation from the prince could not be denied. “If I say something stupid or do something he doesn’t like, it could make a lasting impression on this whole marriage, and I am not ready for that!”

“Woah there girl.” Alva stopped her actions and held my chin so I could view her in the mirror. “You have to stop worrying like that. Nothing you do will make him hate you. And if you do something he doesn’t like, who cares? He will do something you don’t like. That’s marriage.”

I rolled my eyes, but I knew her statement was true. I couldn’t be perfect for him even if I tried. “But father is arriving tonight,” I tried. “He’ll want to see me.”

Mother barely even looked at me as she responded. “You know as well as I do that he will be very happy to hear that you have been spending time with your betrothed.” She gathered up some dying flowers surrounding my chambers and walked to the door. “Now get ready as soon as you can. You don’t want to be late.”

As soon as she left, I got up out of the chair as quickly as I could and ran towards my desk. I stuffed a golden locket inside my pocket, watching the door to see if my mother would make an unexpected return.

Alva huffed, plopping herself down on the couch. “You always were a subtle one.”

My eyes narrowed at her relaxed form. This was a serious issue, and I was the one taking the risk. “I wouldn’t take this so lightly sister,” I hissed, throwing her brush back to her. “I’m doing what I have to do, and I’ll do it right.”

“What needs to be done,“ she started, standing in front of me, "is for you to have dinner with your future husband and to start a healthy, happy relationship. This-" she gestured to the locket- "will happen in time. You need to have faith in yourself, and it will be done.”

I had to stop myself from laughing at her naivety. This wouldn’t be done in time; it had to be done carefully and only by me. She may be the older sister, but she wasn’t burdened the task of betraying her royal husband and his family.

Taking a deep breath, I reached for the dress and put it on with little care. I stepped past my sister and left without another word, my hand clenching the locket. “Being afraid is alright,” I whispered to myself as I hurried down the halls to Loki’s chambers. “Because didn’t anybody ever tell you? Fear is a superpower.”

My heart started to calm down a little, but nothing could help my trembling hands. I repeated the lines over and over in my head until I could make myself believe it or could pretend to fake it.

But even that couldn’t stop my anxiety as I stopped at Loki’s doors. They were huge, gold doors with branches carved all around the frame. The guards at both ends of the door stared at me, waiting for me to tell them my business.

I cleared my throat, looking over the door once more and not at the huge men with spears and daggers. “I’m here by Prince Loki’s invitation,” I mumbled. My hands started to play with themselves as my heart raced. “I’m Lady Sigyn.”

The guards nodded and opened the doors immediately. I hesitated, looking around at the décor of the Prince’s chambers. His rooms were immaculate, everything in its place and his bed neatly made. He had shelves lining almost every wall, filled with books of all kinds. One bookcase was by a desk that held vials and drafts, which I assumed was where he researched and learned his magic. But most amazingly of all, books were everywhere. Not just on the shelves, but on his tables, desks, on the floors (neatly stacked of course), and on the chairs.

I noticed the guards were staring at me weirdly so I pushed myself in and heard the doors close behind me. Loki was seated at his dining table that was filled with food. Oddly enough, I had no appetite.

Loki looked up to see me walking in nervously. “Lady Sigyn,” he greeted, standing and kissing my knuckles. His smile still wore the same smugness and mischief as it did the night before. “Please sit.”

I sat across from him just like last night as he filled up my cup with wine. “I hear your father is coming in tonight,” he stated. “I’m sorry to keep you from him, but I felt that we needed a better understanding of each other before the wedding.

I nodded, digesting his words slowly. "It is alright Loki.” Testing his name was one of my new favorite things to do. “I must say that I agree with you, though.”

“Good.” He placed his cup down and grinned wolfishly at me, making my heart skip a beat. My face remained unaffected, though, much to Loki’s delight.

We talked through the meal, and with time I became more comfortable with him, but I couldn’t forget the locket I had stacked away. Most of the conversation was about where I grew up and what my childhood was like. I would ask him the same, hearing about Thor and Frigga and the royal family vacations.

Suddenly, a knock interrupted our conversation. Loki’s eyebrows furrowed, staring suspiciously at his door. “Excuse me,” he muttered, leaving the room.

I waited for a few seconds to see if he would return before I stood up and went to one of his desks. I pulled out the locket and opened it- a picture of leather-covered book facing me. Going through every book I possibly could, I didn’t seem to find the book that matched the picture. I sat back down quickly and picked at my food when I finally found it.

The book was tucked away in one his older bookshelves, mixed in with unassuming books. But there was no doubt in my mind that the book I saw was the one I was looking for.

Loki strutted back into the room. I placed my cup to my lips and took a long sip, hoping he didn’t realize I had moved. “I’m sorry about that. My chambermaid didn’t realize her services were not needed tonight.”

I placed the cup back on the table, gulping. “Oh,” I stuttered. “Interesting.”

Loki rolled his eyes at my embarrassment and went back to his food. “Not those services. Believe it or not, my chambermaid comes in at this time to either draw me a bath or help put books away. Don’t worry, I haven’t seduced the poor woman yet.”

“Yet,” I all but growled. Loki’s smile widened, chuckling at my reaction as if it was a joke.

“Don’t fret, dove,” he said, coming across as genuine, but I didn’t buy it. “I have no plans to. I also have no plans of keeping mistresses during the time of our marriage, as you so gently pointed out last night.”

“Loki-”

“No, don’t ‘Loki’ me,” he commanded, but his eyes were still soft. “I’m not that man. You thinking I am comes across to me as you having no idea who I truly am. I am trying to change that.”

Yeah, I have no idea who you are. More like, you don’t have a clue who I am and where I come from, but you’re willing to be in a monogamous relationship with me.

His words did affect me, and I felt warmth run through my cheeks. He actually wanted to try this marriage.

While I was trying to tear down his kingdom.

“You don’t have a clue who I am, either, it would seem.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Mentions of torture and kidnapping! Also please give me some feedback, it really helps me as a writer. Tell me what you like or don't like! Thanks everyone for reading.

After dinner I had hurried back to my room with a mumbled “goodbye” to Loki. I barely had any time to think as I snuck the book inside my robes while Loki had his back turned. I knew he could tell something was off, but I did my best to act like it was wedding nerves.

I placed the book down on my desk and opened it immediately.

Inside, old Norse writing was scribbled all over the pages with illustrations accompanying them. To say it looked ancient would be an understatement. Each page was barely staying together, with some scraps of paper falling out. The writing was even outdated- Old Nordic was rarely used among the royal family.

Luckily, though, I had learned Old Nordic as I was schooled (well trained) to become Loki’s wife.

On every page were instructions, diagrams, and classified materials. Each word had the power to bring down the Asgardian realm if put in the wrong hands.

Which was something I was going to do.

“You did well.” I remained still, having expected the voice. “I’m impressed you accomplished such a task with such little time.”

I turned around to face the intruder. “I’m more talented than you even know,” I spat. I tossed the book at him and turned to go bathe.

“I can see that,” he interrupted me. Soon his tall figure loomed over mine, and his hand forcefully grabbed my wrist. He roughly brought it to his lips as he kissed my hand. My body cringed with disgust, and I tried to take back my hand, but he wouldn’t let up.

“My brother has quite a suitable opponent, it would seem,” he whispered in my ear. I could feel his breath on my skin, and I wanted nothing more than to wash my face a million times over.

I finally realized his grip had loosened and pulled back. “Get over yourself Thrym. I am not his opponent, I am his wife. And don’t confuse yourself for his brother- he already has one.”

Thrym’s laugh made my skin crawl. “He has an adopted brother, you mean,” he sneered. “And you’re not his wife yet, especially since you just committed treason against all of Asgard. Which I must thank you for.”

“Don’t thank me,” I hissed. I needed this conversation to end. I couldn’t stand myself, and he knew it. “I did it because you promised my family payment. They will receive a large patch of land for them to live on comfortably, away from the palace, away from war, and away from you.”

Thrym chuckled to himself. He picked up one of my jewelry boxes, appraising it. I snatched it out of his hands and set it harshly back down, never breaking eye contact with him. “You made a deal with me.”

Nodding, Thrym continued. “I did make a deal with you, small one.” He knew I hated his pet names for me. “Your family will get what I promised, but you, my dear, are forever in my service and will never escape me.”

Taking off my bracelets, I put my arms out in front of me. The scars and bruises where his cuffs had held me were still very visible and very dark. “You think I don’t know that, Jotunn,” I cried, tears threatening to fall. “I was in your service for quite sometime before. Don’t worry I won’t forget- these scars won’t let me.”

Thrym’s eyes glared into mine, but his held a hint of amusement in them. He enjoyed my pain. It was entertainment to him.

“I will rule Jotunheim one day,” he stated confidently, walking over towards me. “Once I get rid of my older brother, I will rightfully receive the throne.”

“Why don’t you just take it?” I challenged. “Why do all of this?”

The frost giant laughed in my face again. “You naïve girl. Of course I can’t just take the throne, not when Loki is the rightful heir and is still alive. The people are expecting Loki to take it, and they won’t take kindly to me just succeeding him while he is still breathing.”

I crossed my arms and leaned againstone of my bookshelves, tiring from this conversation. “Why do they care? He hasn’t been to Jotunheim since he was a baby, he’s practically Aesir.”

“That doesn’t matter. The Jotunns are a loyal people. They will follow the rightful leader to their death, which, at the moment, does not mean me.”

“You’re afraid,” I whispered without thinking.

Thrym snapped his head up and narrowed his eyes. “What did you just say?”

I refused to let his demeanor intimidate me. I had just done my mission and followed his directions. There was nothing more he could to hurt me without going back on his promise, which even he wouldn’t dare to do.

“You’re scared of your brother,” I spoke up. “He has more followers, more power, and more resources than you. He could very easily win.”

Thrym growled. He looked ready to throw another verbal insult, but the door opened and he disappeared with the book. I took a deep breath as my heart pounded in my chest.

“Sigyn,” Alva called behind me. “Are you alright sister?”

She came around to face me, seeing my tears. As she pulled me into her embrace, I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. All I had ever wanted in life was to be with my family and live a happy life, but my past kept that from me. I could never have a good marriage to my husband. I could never be truthful to anyone around me.

As I readied for bed, I thought more about what I had realized during my conversation with Thrym. Loki could win. If I gave him my information, Loki and Thor could stop Thrym from advancing on Asgard.

But then I would have to give myself up. I would be killed. My family could be killed.

The royal family might not even believe me in the first place. They could just think I was covering up for my own actions. I was stuck, but I was used to it.

What I wasn’t used to was this deep feeling of guilt. It was eating me from the inside, and I could almost hear the voices of those who would die from the invasion.

When I envisioned Loki dying from my actions, I couldn’t stop the shiver it sent down my spine. I could barely stand it. Why was I feeling this way? Loki was nothing but kind to me since I arrived, but this was my number goal. It had been since Thrym found me in my parent’s garden as a little girl. It had been since Alva discovered my scars, begging me to tell her the truth, but I couldn’t tell her I wouldn’t be joining her in their happy ending.

I wasn’t getting a happy ending. I was going to go down in flames.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have changed the rating because of mentions and depictions of torture, kidnapping, and some mild sexual content so please read at your own risk! Again, please comment and give feedback as much as you can. It's lovely to hear from you all; it helps me write better. :)

The morning sun shined brightly in my eyes. I woke up, mumbling groggily to no one in particular. Pushing my hair away from my face, I watched as my new maidservant, Briseis, entered quietly, expecting me to be asleep. When she saw I was awake, she bowed immediately and placed my breakfast on the table.

"My lady, the Prince requires your presence," she told me. She stood straight, hands clasped behind her back with an indifferent face but kind eyes. I had taken a liking to Briseis instantly. I enjoyed her quiet demeanor and how her eyes would always light up as if she knew something I didn't. It never bothered me but fascinated me instead.

I nodded in response and made my way towards the bath. "You can have some food if you want," I called to her, looking over my shoulder.

She didn't argue with me. Instead, she looked over the food for a few seconds before taking a few rolls and some fruit, leaving the room without a word.

I smiled at the closed door and ran myself a bath. I let the lavender scent calm my nerves and relax my muscles, breathing in and out. Meeting with the Prince shouldn't scare me as much as it did, but after the meeting I had with Thrym, I felt myself wanting to tell Loki everything. Of course, I couldn't. It's not like I owed Loki anything, nor him I. His kindness could simply be a façade to lure me in.

As I stepped out of the bath and dried myself off, I looked around my closet for a dress to wear. Unlike many of my friends back home, I was the only one who felt comfortable in a dress. Wearing pants and a shirt was always comfortable when I went riding or training, but I felt freer in a dress. A light lavender-colored dress caught my eye. It had slits around the waist and the sides of my breasts. 

After I had finished dressing, I made my way to Loki's chambers just like last night. Whether I wanted to admit it to myself or not, my heart raced when I thought about seeing Loki. He was frustratingly beautiful and charming. His voice had the power to persuade me to do anything he asked while his body would tower mine, making me feel a strange sense of security. This would've been a lot easier if he was ugly, or at least a brute.

I was pulled out of my thoughts as Loki opened the door and kissed my knuckles very softly. I tried my hardest not to let it show how he affected me, but my blush betrayed me. 

"Lady Sigyn, you look absolutely stunning as always," he purred, wrapping his arm around my waist as we strolled towards the Queen's gardens.

I rolled my eyes at his compliment, laughing lightly. "Did I see you roll your eyes at me?" Loki stopped walking, staring into my eyes. His smile was still one of amusement but his eyes had darkened a bit. "Do you not believe me when I tell you how beautiful you are?"

I stumbled at his words. "N-no, it's just...you're supposed to say that," I stuttered.

Loki chuckled and held my chin in his hand. "Listen princess," he whispered so only I could hear, "I don't have to do anything. If I think you look ravishing, I'll tell you because I want to. If you roll your eyes at me again, I'll make sure to punish you because I want to."

His words caused my body to shiver, and he noticed it, smirking. I held my breath, wanting the moment to be over but also glowing in it. He had so much control over me in these moments that I felt panic, but, on the other hand, I felt free. 

Loki held his arm out for me, and I complied, holding on to him as we continued our walk. 

"Your mother's gardens are breathtaking," I said, taking it all in. "How can she manage such an enormous amount of land?"

"Her ladies tend to it as much as they can, along with servants." I could see him smiling at me from the corner of my eye, but I couldn't trust myself to look at him. "You are always welcome out here, if you'd like. You could help mother, I'm sure she would welcome you."

I finally snapped my head up to Loki, my eyes widening as if you'd just given a little girl her favorite doll. "You mean that?" I gasped. 

Loki's eyes softened at me, his smile getting wider. "Of course Sigyn. Mother loves you already, she'd want nothing more than to spend time out here with you."

I didn't think at all before I moved to kiss his cheek. As soon as my lips connected with his skin, I felt his hand move up to my arm, his grip firmer but not rough. It was like he was holding on to me. I pulled away, realizing my rash behavior. He probably didn't even want that or didn't like me touching him. My mind raced through all these negative possibilities, and I started to apologize before Loki's lips brushed mine.

It was a gentle and brief kiss, but it was enough to send tingles down my spine. Loki pulled back first, grinning at me as he looked behind him then back to me, his grin getting wider. "Come on." He took my hand and brought me to a small pond in the middle of the garden.

I dropped his hand and turned in a circle, gasping at the beauty around me. The trees made a hole in the garden to accommodate the pond, but their trunks stood tall and proud with their branches hanging low. The leaves reminded me of fans as they swayed in the wind. They were similar to willow trees on Midgard that I had read about but much bigger and much more spectacular.

A noise from the pond startled me. I sauntered over to it and looked in, seeing dozens of species of fish swimming frantically under the clear water. I let out a laugh, my smile only getting wider. 

I was too mesmerized with the pond that I didn't notice Loki quietly and slowly getting nearer to the pond. Suddenly, a splash of cold water hit my body and parts of my face. I let out a squeal and glared at my attacker.

Loki was bent over, his hands in the pond ready to splash me again. His smirk made my heart race and his eyes were ablaze with mischief. I feigned offense and moved away from him. I took not three steps before I dipped my hands in the pond rapidly and splashed Loki back.

His hair was dripping wet along with his tunic. He held up his hands in defeat, laughing, but I knew better. I stayed away from him, narrowing my eyes at his supposed white flag.

"I am impressed," he admitted. He flung his hair back from his face, and I stared at him way longer than I should have, which, of course, he noticed.

"You shouldn't be. I'm well trained like you my Prince, and I have my tricks. I just don't reveal them all."

Loki smiled, his hands still held up. He motioned for me to come towards him, but I shook my head. "I won't bite," he called out. "Yet."

That promise took my breath away and went straight towards my lower stomach. "You insult me Loki," I called, breathless. "You think I am a fool."

"Quite the opposite actually," he claimed. "I think you're clever enough to come towards me because if you don't, we both know I will come over there."

I shook my head and couldn't stop smiling, biting my lower lip. Suddenly, Loki appeared right behind me, having transported himself in little to no time. He picked me up easily, and I yelped in surprise. Loki carried me into the water as I fruitlessly tried to squirm away from him, but before long I was drenched. 

"I despise you," I teased him. My grin gave it away as I pushed off of him and started to dry myself as best as I could.

Loki brought his hand to his chest, pretending to be hurt. "You injure me my lady."

Laughing, I bent down to pick up a small white flower. I stood back up next to Loki and placed it in his hair. "It seems you are forced to marry a man you despise," he quietly said. His voice took on a more serious tone as his eyes bore into mine.

"I wanted to despise you," I admitted with my hands still tangled in his hair, "but I can't. You make it hard for me to even dislike you a little bit. Tell me if it's an act. Please." I had to take a deep breath, struggling to hold back down tears I didn't realize were there. "I'll still marry you; I have to. But I need to know who you really are."

Loki's eyes never left mine as I spoke. When I had finished, he stepped away from me and bent down to pick up another white flower. "When I would fight with Thor, which would be almost every day," he said, chuckling. I laughed too as he placed the flower in my hair, mirroring my actions. "I would come here to calm down. I would even sleep here sometimes, just to get my mind focused on something else. I mean how could you be so angry surrounded by this beauty?"

I shrugged, but a smug smile appearing on my face. I sighed heavily, causing Loki to furrow his brows in confusion. "Damn," I muttered. "This means I have to admit to my father that I actually like you and that he was right."

Loki's chuckle could have melted my heart if I allowed it to, but my thoughts were no longer on Loki but on Thrym. How could I betray someone whose shown me more compassion than I've seen in a lifetime?

My face must have fell because Loki's expression became concerned. "Sigyn what's wrong?"

I had to tell him whether it killed me or not. I refused to let innocent people die for my own fear, and I know Loki would never let my family perish, no matter how much I hurt him. I couldn't let this torture continue.

I stepped back from him and furiously shook my head. Loki took a step towards me, but I held up my hand to stop him. "No," I sobbed. "Don't come near me. You won't want to once you find out anyways."

"Wha-"

Before he could say any more, I ran off the way we came and towards the palace doors. My legs carried me all the way to the throne room, but they could barely outrun Loki's long strides. He followed me the entire way and stopped short as soon as I did. 

The guards stood alert when they saw me. I was wet, running barefoot like a madwoman, with tears streaming down her face- I didn't blame them.

"Allfather," I called. By some miracle from above, my voice managed to stay calm and commanding. Odin sat up in his throne, his eyes flickering between me and his son. "It would seem we have some things to talk about."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: mentions of torture, kidnapping, and forced servitude. Alright guys here's THE chapter. Just take a breather alright? I have a plan, believe it or not. Please please please comment and give me feedback. I live for each kudos and comment :)

I waited patiently for the Allfather to gather his eldest son and wife. Loki sat by his mother, never taking his eyes off of me. It was as if he was trying to telepathically communicate with me, but I couldn't reach him. I didn't have abilities like him. 

All of Odin's most trusted guards, nobles, and military advisors were in attendance, waiting like me. I eyed every person in the room as my pulse was going crazy. I hated an audience; I could barely think about telling just the royal family, but all of these people- there was no way. 

Suddenly, Odin struck his staff to the ground, and the sound reverberated throughout the throne room. All stood to attention, but I refused to meet the royal family's watchful eyes.

King Odin leaned back in his throne and looked me up and down. "Begin, girl," he tried to sound sincere, but it wasn't hard to hear the suspicion in his voice.

I cleared my throat and looked from the military advisors to the nobles. "It would be wise if only the royal family were in attendance of this meeting," I stated.

All of the guests started murmuring to each other, spreading rumors like wildfire. Chaos was starting. "And why is that?" Odin questioned intensely.

Refusing to meet Loki's pleading gaze, I stared back at the Allfather. "I have special knowledge about certain origins of the House of Odin," I tried.

Odin sighed. "Would you speak plainly, my dear?"

My lip curled into an involuntary smile. He really didn't understand how powerful this secret was and how devastating it would be to Loki if it were to get out this way.

I took a step forward, noticing the guards' hands reach for their swords. "After the war with Jotunheim, you recovered a special artifact, yes?"

Odin raised an eyebrow while his one eye blazed into mine, trying to decipher my words. "My dear, my army and I took many artifacts from that war, which one are you referring to?"

I had to take a deep breath. I needed to phrase this correctly so only Odin would understand. "The one you found in the temple."

My gaze was directed at Odin only. Even though I could hear Frigga stifle her gasp and Thor's grunt, I did not waver. I didn't have to turn to know that Loki had visibly stiffened, his green eyes ablaze. 

Odin remained expressionless except for a wave of fear that washed over him but covered. "Everyone out," he muttered. "Now! Except for Heimdall."

The doors shut with a loud boom after all the guests had exited, leaving me alone with the royal family and their guardian. I squared up my shoulders, ready to face my match. 

Odin's face was grim as he looked back to me. "How do you know this?" he hissed.

Closing my eyes, I really was making an attempt to calm myself. Showing any kind of emotion but courage was considered weak, and I couldn't afford weakness. 

"It's a long story," I began. "One I am ready to tell you, but I must be made a promise first."

At that, Odin laughed. "And why should I promise you anything?"

"Because I am trying to help you!" 

Queen Frigga leaned forward in her chair, her eyes catching mine. She wore a look of sheer terror, but not for herself, for her son. Her expression was not unkind as she begged me to relax.

"I need your promise not to hurt my family," I continued. "None of them were involved. Not one of them knew what was happening. I only wish for their safety."

"And what about yours?" Odin commanded.

What could I do but shrug? I knew there was no other ending for me. "Burn me, cut off my tongue, I don't care. I'm going to tell you this story, and I'm going to tell it right."

I could tell the family was impressed with my commanding presence. I showed only reverence and courage in their eyes, but what they could not know was my astounding cowardice. Finally, I turned to Loki's pale white face. He was shaking with rage at my discovery, but it would be nothing compared to what he was about to hear. "I am sorry," I whispered.

Odin looked to his wife for permission, and with a nod of her head, Odin agreed. "Your family will be safe from harm."

I let out a sigh of relief. Nodding my head, I closed my eyes and bit my bottom lip to keep from crying tears of joy. This was the best outcome I could hope for.

I opened my eyes again and began to take off my bracelets. One by one, they clanked as the fell on the marble floor. I held my arms out, the scars showing very clearly. Queen Frigga couldn't hold back her gasp nor could Loki tear his eyes away from me.

I then brought my wrists to my breasts, my fingers tracing over the scars. "I was young," I said quietly. "I had just gotten my first horse. I was out in the gardens when a Jotunn sought me out. His name was Thrym."

Odin stood from his chair abruptly. "Witch!" he bellowed. "You would ally yourself with the enemy?"

I refused to let him get to me. "I didn't ally myself with anyone, Allfather," I shouted back. "Unless you want to call years of torture and forced servitude an alliance, I was nothing but a prisoner."

Frigga put her hand on Odin's shoulder, forcing him to gently sit down again. 

A tear forced its way onto my cheek- I barely even noticed. "He told me what you all already know. He wanted the throne but could not take it because he had an older brother. I guess in Jotunn culture, the eldest has to take the thrown unless he dies, and since Loki isn't dead, he is heir to the Jotunn throne."

As these words sank in, Loki's nostrils flared in rage. He narrowed his eyes at the Allfather but stayed silent. I don't think he could've talked if he wanted to. 

"Threatening my family as is the common pattern among these types of villains, he made me find a book. I handed Asgard's secret documents over to him last night."

Odin was practically bristling with rage and fear, but the room was deadly silent. All I heard for minutes was my own ragged breathing. Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore. "There are things that I know about the Jotunn army that I am willing to tell you. In fact, I know more about their kingdom than my own. I will be as helpful as I can be, but Thrym will come to kill your prince."

Odin looked down at his staff for a moment before cracking it against the marble floor again. "Guards." My eyes flittered to Loki, but he wouldn't return my gaze. He looked ill, almost like a boy who just saw a ghost. "Take her to the dungeons where she will await execution."

Arms grabbed at me, pulling me to the exit. "Wait!" the Allfather called out. Frigga looked at her husband in confusion and what I could only think of was a slimmer of hope. "Question her first. Use any methods necessary."

~~~

After hours of intensive questioning and a few broken bones, I was thrown into a brightly lit cell. My blood was the only stain in the room and the only color besides white. One wall was made of glass but protected with a spell while the others were made of hard stone. There was nothing to sleep on or against.

My lips were cracking from thirst, and my blood had dried to my clothing and skin. I ran a trembling hand through my tangled hair, trying to pretend I had some composure I guess.

I curled up against a corner on the ground as the prisoners of Asgard shouted and screamed profanities for hours. And while I had hoped my family was safe, knowing I would never see them again helped release me of the pain of seeing their pained faces. So my thoughts turned to Loki.

My betrothed. He had shown me more kindness than I deserved. I had felt myself falling for the dark prince, but why was it happening so fast? Was Loki feeling it, too? Did he wish to swing the executioner sword himself?

I couldn't get his face out of my mind. He looked so hurt, so broken- betrayed. I knew it would hurt each of them, but I did not expect Loki to look heartbroken. It was too much for me, and I sobbed into my hands. There was no one who looked at me like he did.

Alva must be screaming in fury right now. I let her down; I let them all down. I did this for them, but it felt like I did more damage than good. They would've wanted me safe more than they would have wanted land. My father was selfless, and ever since I was born all he ever wanted for me was happiness. 

It was like the thoughts of my father called to him because he showed up at my cell within minutes.

"Oh my daughter," he whispered. My father's eyes were red, and his cheeks were tear-stained. He put his hand on the glass as if he could reach me. "What have you done?"

My tears began to flow again, but I didn't care. "I'm sorry father," I cried. "I failed you. You trusted me, you all trusted me, and I failed you."

"No my daughter, you failed yourself." The guards motioned for him to leave, and he disappeared from my sight.

I was in the brightest place in Asgard, but all the light had been taken out of my life. As much as I wanted to blame Thrym, I accepted. I should've just taken the beatings and accepted death earlier. 

I sighed at my own thoughts, shaking my head. No matter what I did, I was always going to end up here in this cell.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: again mentions of abuse, slavery, and kidnapping. They are very vital to the story so just hang with me. I'm getting ready for some heavy stuff and more Loki in the next chapters! Comment please!

The queen came to visit me the next day. I had barely woken up from my restless sleep when the guards shined their lights on me. The prisoners trapped down here with me were yelling and cursing all night long. I almost wished for death so I could simply rest, and the bright cells didn't help me to sleep or relax either. I covered my eyes with my hand, glaring at my intruders, but when I saw Frigga, my lips parted in shock. She looked like a vision in gold with a kind smile on her face. I didn't deserve her compassion, and I definitely didn't want her pity. I considered asking the guards to send her away, but there was no way they would go against the queen's orders.

"Hello my dear," she said sincerely. My head was bowed in shame. I betrayed her sons, her family, and her kingdom for land. Well, I did it for family, but wasn't Loki going to be my family now, too?

I mustered up the courage to take a look at her, instinctively rubbing my wrists. "My queen," I mumbled. "I am truly sorry for everything I have done. I have no excuses, and I will do everything I can to help Asgard defeat Thrym." I meant every word. All I wanted was for Thrym to pay like he made me pay. He would destroy everything good in this world were he to continue breathing. 

Frigga nodded at my words, but her smile did not falter. "My child, I know this already. It is not your fault that Thrym tortured you as a child. He did unimaginable things to you, and for one so young. As disappointed as I am that you go against my son, I am not without sympathy."

Tears welled in my eyes, and I had to fight myself to keep them contained. I would not cry in front of the queen or any royal family member again if I could help it. "You should be," I muttered, keeping my eyes down. "It matters not, though. I will be executed here shortly, and this torture will finally be over." 

Even though saying the words made me shiver, I did finally feel a strange sense of peace. After years and years of being Thrym's toy and personal assassin, I would be free. I would be free from him, from duty, from Loki. The daily beatings, whippings, and psychological torture they put me through was nothing compared to betraying Loki. I couldn't almost believe I had fallen for him so quickly, but I knew he would never forgive me again. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if we never saw each other again. I began to accept this never-ending rode of senselessness and serenity over the rough path of living. 

I felt Frigga's hand tuck my chin and bring me to stare into her eyes. She sighed. "I can see you have accepted your fate so easily."

"You have all been very kind to me and my family here- far more than I deserve-"

"We give kindness to those who are in need of it, even in the simplest forms," Frigga quietly interrupted. "You were no exception. And I had hoped Loki would show you the same courtesy. You two were arranged for more than one reason, whatever it may be."

I caught Frigga checking around to make sure no one was listening, then reached down to speak silently and only to me. "I need to know of the situation in Jotunheim." There was almost a hint of desperation in her voice, and it pained me. "I have to know what they are saying about my son."

I shrugged, struggling to remember all I could. "There are only a handful of radicals following Thrym," I admitted. "The rest expect Loki to take the throne. Most, in fact, want to send a delegate to ask the Allfather to return Loki to his rightful place. They want him, my queen. They've heard of his talents, and they've seen his prowess on the battle field. They truly believe he is the perfect king- that he would bring back glory to Jotunheim."

The queen's lips curled into a sad smile. "And were there talks about his birth and adoption?" she asked hesitantly. I could tell this was a difficult topic for her to speak about.

I nodded. "They know of what happened to him," I said quietly. "Of what actually happened to him. They know Odin has told him lies about his father Laufey, which is why they think sending a representative to Asgard to discuss with Loki would be beneficial as they would inform him of his real origins, and that would hopefully persuade him into joining them."

Frigga sighed heavily and placed a hand on her forehead. She was evidently very stressed about the news, but she did not seemed surprised. It was like she knew this would happen one day. "Loki joined Thor on a diplomatic journey to Jotunheim- the first in centuries," she spoke without even looking at me. "It ended badly, and my sons had to fight the frost giants. Only, Loki's skin would not burn with frostbite when a Jotunn would touch him. Instead, he saw his skin turn blue like theirs. After the battle he came home, went into the royal treasury and found the casket. He picked it up to confirm if what he suspected was true, and when he did, he and Odin argued about it for days."

She finally faced me again, and I could see the sadness had returned in her smile, more prevalent now. "Their fights felt like storms; we had to send the whole staff away for a week." She sat down next to me and looked thoughtfully into my eyes. "Still think you're the only monster around here?"

Before I realized it, a tear had fallen onto my cheek. "I am no better," I murmured. 

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and a wave of calmness rushed through me, but it wasn't enough. "Do not cry child," she tried to soothe me. "You are a victim as much as Loki is. You do deserve compassion- you're only a child, helpless to that Thrym's attacks."

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Words refused to leave my lips, and I found myself with having no filter. My words quickly turned into sobs as I poured out everything to Frigga, wanting at least one person to know my sins.

"You don't understand!" I cried, hiding my face from the goddess. "There were so many. So many killed because I was too scared to say anything. And at nights I can still hear them screaming and see them burning on the pyre. All dead because I killed them."

Frigga gently wiped my tears away. "Child, it is not your fault," she whispered. "You did not kill them-"

"I did!" I blurted out. I stood abruptly, startling Frigga. I paced to the farthest corner away from the Allmother trying to organize my thoughts. I sharply turned back to her with tears still streaming down my face. "I ran the blades across their throats and watch them bleed out. I felt their souls leave their bodies, and I became connected with them. They accepted it so easily. I knew what everyone felt."

Frigga's eyes had widened over my confession. She immediately remedied it, putting a compassionate and concerned expression back on her face, and walked carefully towards me. "Thrym made you his assassin." She stated it rather than questioned, knowing I would confirm. 

I let out a bitter laugh. "He called me his garbage disposal."

Frigga looked saddened by this. She ran a soft hand through my matted hair to calm me. "You were nothing of the sort," she spoke confidently. "Which is why I have asked my husband to release you into his service."

I pulled back from her, my heart flipping. There was no way she was serious. "You will continue your work for Thrym, being his spy, but this time, we will use it to our advantage," she continued. "As much as it pains me to put you back into his service, there is no other choice."

"I choose death," I stated plainly.

"If you choose death, you choose death for all of Asgard," she said, not phased by my words. "He will do real damage to Asgard, but not if we can stop him first."

My vision was becoming blurry and my stomach growled loudly throughout the cell, but I refused to acknowledge my own basic needs. If I were to eat anything, I would simply have puked it. I swallowed, my mouth dry and my lips cracked. "And what would happen afterwards?"

I could read it all in Frigga's eyes before she even spoke. "You will be banished from Asgard, never to return."

All I could do was nod. This woman tried to save my life, but, in the end, I would be in perpetual agony. I would never see my family again nor would I know how to start my life over. I wouldn't even know where to go.

My laugh was rather sinister, but I couldn't find it in myself to care. "Tell your husband I accept his most gracious offer," I spat. "But let him know that I will be the one to kill Thrym, and I will not put Loki's life in even more danger."

"You care for my son," she whispered, slightly shocked but delighted. "He cares for you, too."

"Cared," I corrected her, not wanting to talk about Loki anymore. My heart couldn't seem to take it.

Frigga smiled. "I meant what I said," she responded, her voice taking a pleased edge. "It was not only I that helped get you out of execution. Loki played a more important role than I did."

I looked up to Frigga with my jaw dropped. I gauged her every expression, making sure she wasn't lying, but I couldn't find it in me to believe her. I would not let myself hope again, especially for something so magical and wondrous after everything I did. "Why?" is all I could muster. "He hates me."

Suddenly, the guard returned to my cell doors. "Allmother," they called out and motioned for her to follow them.

Frigga waved her hand at them before turning back to me once more. "I think you will find that Loki has more understanding than you imagined. Yes, he is angry, but, with time, I think he will forgive you and see you as an ally rather than an enemy."

With that, she left. Two other guards showed up and grabbed my arms, taking me back to my chambers. Once inside, they closed the doors and locked in, and even though I couldn't see them, I was confident they were standing guard outside my door. But none of that mattered to me. My thoughts found themselves flowing back to Loki, as they always did.

What would I do when I faced him? Would I even be able to look at him? Frigga's words echoed in my brain, and it brought me more sadness than joy. Never again would Loki see me as his betrothed or his friend. I would always be a liability to him, and his trust would be unreachable to me. I could think of no worse fate than to be back into Thrym's services, disgusted by my own family, and hated by my betrothed. This was the price I had to pay. I guess death was too easy for me, but then again, I had faced death face-to-face multiple times before.

Whenever I would take a life or face a dangerous foe, I would see Her. We had become almost close friends, but I would not meet Her today.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I spent all week at Lollapolooza, but I am back now. All I want is some comments, don't make me beg. I hope you enjoy!

The night came and went quickly for many, but, sleep evaded me. I lie awake all night thinking about my next confrontation with everyone. I would see my family again today. What would they think? Would they hate me as much as everyone else? Would they even allow me to call them my family again? I knew deep down they wouldn't abandon me like that, but treason is a new level of betrayal. They might not have a choice in the matter.

And then there was the matter of seeing Loki. I considered faking ill, but I got a new chance of life, whether I wanted it or not, and I wasn't going to let Frigga down. I would have to keep my emotions at bay, recalling all my times I felt nothing when I served Thrym. That was another thought that sent shivers down my spine- when will Thrym come back for me? I can be a good liar when need be, but lying to Thrym was something I had never really tested out. Hopefully I could bring him down with me, though.

"My lady?" Briseis called before coming in. "The Allfather has requested your presence in the throne room immediately. I am here to assist you in getting ready."

I snorted, throwing the furs off of me. "He 'requested' me," I stated, not bothering to hide the bitterness in my voice. "Let me guess. If I were to deny I would be thrown back into the dungeons, am I close?"

To my surprise, Briseis just smirked at my response. "Close enough." I laughed at her bluntness and went into the bathroom to freshen up. Briseis followed me, closing the door.

"Did you get much sleep my lady?" Briseis asked, looking closely at my eyes. She could obviously see the bags around them, but I wasn't worried about it.

I rolled my eyes. "What do you think?" Briseis smiled softly, sensing my exhaustion. She didn't inquire further and went about her task to getting me to look presentable. 

Briseis picked a long, flowy white gown that could have passed off as a wedding gown, and, after much struggle from me, she was able to put it on me. She thought it would send a message to the royals. I wasn't sure if I was in any position to send any message to the royals, but I was impressed with Briseis's cleverness. The dress did mock the wedding that would no longer happen, and it made me seem colder, which was easy for me to pretend to be. Better to seem cold than vulnerable. 

~~~

The ornate doors to the throne room opened for me, but I hesitated. This felt like a death sentence instead of an opportunity. I wanted to help Asgard and Loki as much as I could, but my dignity would have to be torn down before I could accomplish that. Upon walking towards Odin, I decided it was a sacrifice I had to make- I owed it to these people.

The first face I saw was Thor's. He glared at me like I was a common prisoner, and I felt his anger hit me as I neared. I didn't blame him. I was a traitor who was responsible for the dozens of deaths that were to come. I respected him for his protective attitude towards the people of Asgard; it was a good quality in a king. Even though he was a warrior first and foremost, his intelligence was not unnoticed, though dulled in comparison to Loki.

Loki's rage overpowered Thor's by a lot. He refused to even acknowledge my presence and held his head high, chin out, as a prince would in front of any audience- not his betrothed. His fists were clenched at his sides, but his expression was unreadable. I felt a pang of guilt and remorse looking at him. I would rather him look angry, yell at me, throw things, anything but this apathy. Frigga had her hand on his shoulder, but not even she could get through to him.

Odin cleared his throat to get attention. "Sigyn of the House Iwaldi, you are to be married to my son in five days time," he stated. I raised my eyebrows to which he glared at. "I have called this audience to request that whatever you need, tell me." That was his way of saying I was under his watch and to be honest from henceforth. "The wedding will be stressful, but you will compose yourself as a lady a future princess." He was acting, that was obvious, but did everything he said have to be in code? 

I accidentally let a laugh slip from my mouth, but I didn't stop myself. Odin was furious, but he wasn't going to risk giving anything away in case Thrym was watching. "I will do my best, Allfather," I said through gritted teeth. 

Odin continues to glare at me for a few more minutes before he dismissed me with a wave of his hand. Thor came down to my side and escorted me out to the hall, never directly looking at me. Once we were out of sight and hearing distance from any passing servants, he grabbed my arm and turned me to look at him.

"Mother told me you were tortured, forced to do what you did. But unfortunately I cannot bring myself to forgive you for your betrayal and will continue to think of you as an enemy until you have proven otherwise."

I nodded, thinking his words over. They were fair, I had to admit. "I do not blame you, Odinson," I muttered.

He looked at me skeptically but let it go. "I do not know if you understand the gravity of your crimes, but I do know that you understand how badly you have hurt my brother."

"That was not my intent-"

"Whether it was or not, you did," he interrupted me, speaking with authority. "And now he must continue to act like you are his betrothed. This is painful for him, but if you take advantage of that pain you will regret it."

My eyes traveled down to my feet, and I paused in my response. If Loki was that hurt, did he have the same feelings for me? I doubted I could ever get him to admit that. "You are to meet my brother down at the gardens." Thor brought me back to the present conversation but lowered his voice. "Keep up appearances and give the people confidence in their princes."

I brushed past Thor to go meet Loki, but before I could make any headway, I turned around. "I am not asking for forgiveness or trust from you or your family," I said quietly. "All I ask is that you take Jotunheim into consideration. They need a king; they need Loki. Might it not be better for Loki to rule in his home as you rule yours then keep him here to advise and be idle?"

Thor looked surprised at my words, but I left before he could respond. I wanted to get this meeting over with so I could hide back in my rooms, but nothing would ever be that easy for me again.

~~~

I had passed by my family on the way to the gardens. Alva looked angry and hurt while my father was still distraught. My mother hugged me but said and revealed nothing. It was more than I hoped for at least.

Loki's tall figure was a short distance from me, but he did not notice my presence. My heart was speeding up, and my instinct was to hide, but I couldn't hide anymore. It had only led to trouble, and I was trying to fix it the best I could. To not startle him, I ruffled some leaves to alert him I was there.

He turned around and a big grin broke out across his face. "Hello, my lady." He kissed my hand gently, and I almost broke down right there. To see him smile and talk to me, it was too much. I would never see that genuine smile again. He was a good actor, but nothing could fill the empty void like his real smile. And when he kissed my hand, tingles flew around my body. I knew I was stuck forever and living with this pain was more than I could bear. 

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, a stray tear falling down my cheeks.

Loki wiped it away as I closed my eyes. I did not lean into his touch, instead stiffening at the contact. None of it was real. "You have nothing to be sorry for," he tried to sound sincere, but some things cut too deep. 

We walked in silence the rest of the way. His rage radiated from him, and I was almost scared to be this close to him. He had every right to kill me or yell at me, yet he did nothing. He would show no mercy.

After a while I could see his jaw clench, and I figured this must have gotten to him, too. I released his arm, causing him to glare at me. "We don't have to continue," I mumbled. "We can part."

"No we cannot," he spat. He grabbed me forcefully this time, not hurting me but warning me. He walked me back to my chambers, nodding at the guard to let us both in, and put a silencing spell around my room. "What do you think you are doing?"

I stuttered at the sight before me. Loki had unleashed his fury. He grabbed a class vase from my table and smashed it against the wall. I jumped and backed away from him. There were stories of Loki's treachery, but I had never seen it for myself- until now.

"Oh no, you don't get to walk away from me now, love." His smirk was menacing. "It's time for you to take some responsibility."

"I am responsible!" I cried. "I am responsible for your hurt, my family's pain, the realm's vulnerability, and the hundreds of deaths that are to come."

Loki laughed at my tears. I backed away from him, trying to hide my face. "You are responsible for so much more than that, dove. No, you are also responsible for Jotunheim's as well as Asgard's downfall- millions of people killed."

I turned sharply. My tears had stopped but there were stains on my cheeks. "I may be guilty in Asgard's troubles, but you, you are the one to blame if Jotunheim falls," I snapped. 

I shocked both of us at my outburst. Loki's eyes narrowed at me, and he took a step forward. "How dare you-"

"How dare I?" I yelled, sounding more and more insane. "Because I have nothing left to lose. Nothing. And Jotunheim, while you may see it as a realm of monsters, is more civilized than you will ever be, and they deserve a ruler who will protect and provide for them which Thrym is not. So let me ask you, Laufeyson, is it you?"

"Do not call me that!" he screamed in rage. 

Laughing at his anger wasn't the best move, but I had no control over myself. "That is what you are! You are a Jotunn, a frost giant, a prince, a king, a brother, a son." I screamed back. I could see the misery in his eyes, and it broke my heart. Taking a deep breath, I lowered my voice. "A spouse."

Loki did not look at me as he ran his fingers through his hair. "What does it matter?" I murmured, picking up the shattered glass. "You are free to do as you wish. That's all that should matter to you. You have a loving family. You want for nothing. And you have an entire realm begging for you to return to be their king."

My hand started to bleed from the cut glass, but I did not pay it any mind. "They adore you," I continued. "As they should. You can think of me in any way you like, you can treat me however, but you cannot deny your people."

Finally, Loki looked into my eyes. His face still conveyed only rage and sorrow, but I could almost see a glimpse of fear. It passed as quickly as it came, and Loki hovered over me. "They are not my people."

With that, Loki slammed the door on his way out, and I was left to face the upcoming meeting with Thrym alone.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is: the long awaited meeting with Thrym. Everyone take a deep breath and comment for me! Thank you for staying with me.

After Loki stormed out of my room, I quickly wiped my tears and went into the bathroom to freshen up. Thrym couldn't see my tear-stained face as it would only serve to further his suspicions if he decided to show up. I splashed cold water onto my face and took deep breaths. I couldn't let Loki get to me like this or else I would never keep myself together in front of Thrym or the general public, but I found it more and more difficult with each passing moment. Loki had invaded my senses and each of my thoughts, but there was nothing I could do to relieve myself of them for he would not speak to me again. He could barely look at me without disgust, but I couldn't blame him since neither could I.

I walked back into my bedroom, turning to my closet to find a comfortable nightgown. I selected a blue silk gown that stopped above my feet since winter was coming soon and it had begun to get cold. The night brought strong winds that could only be avoided through furs. I brushed my hair up into a high ponytail so that strands would stay out of my face from the winds. It was a chilly night outside, and the cool night air started to seep into my room, causing chills to run through my body. I needed to get under furs soon before the real cold came in.

My sheets seemed to call to me from across the room so I crawled up into my bed and under the furs. But even my numerous furs and sheets couldn't seem to keep the chill out, and I found myself shivering uncontrollably. Nothing I did would warm me up, and there was no escape from this freezing chill. It seeped through my entire body and affected my bones. I could hear my teeth chattering, but I didn't care as I rubbed my arms with my hands. My fire had even died out from the winds blowing it. My body convulsed and shook to return some warmth, but the coldness only crept in more. It was a chill unlike any other Asgard had before.

"Little princess," a growl suddenly stopped my ministrations. 

I sat up immediately and almost forgot about the coldness. Instead now I was shaking with anxiety, but Thrym couldn't tell the difference. "Thrym," I spat, glaring at his large blue figure. "What do I owe the pleasure of having you break into my room once more?"

"My precious girl, we have a little problem." His voice sent my heart pounding and my stomach twisting. "The book you retrieved for me- it was the wrong one."

I rolled my eyes, trying to act as confident as I usually was. "Not my problem," I muttered while jumping out of bed. "You told me which book you wanted, and I gave it to you."

"Now is not the time to be smart with me girl," he snarled. He advanced on me and grabbed my chin forcefully. "You read the book. You saw that it was outdated!"

He was right; I knew the book had outdated information in it. The only reason I was able to hand it over to him so easily was that I knew he could not use that book for his murderous plot. "It didn't matter to me. I don't ask questions, I simply do what you ask."

Thrym narrowed his eyes at me and stared for far longer than was comfortable. "So you admit to giving me false information?" he growled, astonished. 

I swallowed the lump that was rising in my throat as I stared right back at Thrym. I wasn't backing down. "Not like it would have stopped you for long anyways," I said.

Suddenly, Thrym's hand grabbed my throat and squeezed. I was losing breath quickly, panting and whimpering. "You foolish girl, you've fallen in love," he roared. "And with the heir of Jotunheim, too! You would turn against me? Your caretaker?"

I knew I was losing consciousness and would pass out soon, but I held fast for as long as I could. Frigga and Loki weren't going to come to my rescue. I had to end this my way, whether I ended up dead or not. I refused to fade away. My time was running out, but I would use it up to my advantage- I owed it to Asgard. I owed a lot to Asgard and Jotunheim, which was why I betrayed Thrym so early on in the mission. My heart wouldn't rest until I finally did the right thing so I gave Thrym the book, knowing the information was old and wrong. Even when I was a traitor to Loki, I was still looking after him. What a foolish girl I really was. 

Thrym's words hit me hard, and I almost crumbled under them. He really thought he cared for me? No, he didn't. He fed on pain and suffering, and he didn't actually believe me to give him my undying loyalty. Loyalty is earned through respect, not fear, and he didn't understand that.

The darkness was closing in as I choked through my words. "You told me I was to serve the King of Jotunheim... I always did serve him... the true king...." 

I felt myself being thrown back, and my head slammed into the wall. I fell ungraciously to the floor, hitting my forehead as well. Attempting to pull myself up, I held myself on my elbows. My legs weren't moving so I lay there, waiting for Thrym's rage.

Thrym lurked towards me and grabbed my neck again. "You dare denounce me!" I found myself being held up high by my neck with my feet no longer touching the ground. "And for what- a man who will never love you?" Thrym laughed bitterly at me. Tears were forming in my eyes from lack of air, but Thrym took them as signs of emotional damage. "He never loved you. He was forced to marry an ugly troll, and while he laid with the bare bodies of goddesses, you were in my hands. How could he ever want you now?"

Thrym released me, and I was once again on the floor. My hand touched the tender handprint left on my neck, and I winced loudly to Thrym's amusement. "You think you know pain? Oh my pet, you will long for pain very soon." Thrym reached his hand out and tendrils of frost flared out and onto my body.

It felt like little frostbites eating away my skin, and the screams were ripped from my throat. Thrym chuckled maliciously at my tears and never let up. This torture was nothing compared to what I had ever endured in my life. I was to the point of pleading for death, but I would not let Thrym have that satisfaction. Even during death I would give Thrym nothing. 

And then, the pain ceded, and I crumbled to the floor. I heard a loud bang hit something hard, and then loud crashes but paid it no mind. I tore off some fabric from my dress and wrapped it around the areas on my neck that had gotten bitten. I cried at the pain but didn't stop for fear of death. I never knew how afraid I was of death until I looked Her in the face again. I was so close.

When I had finished wrapping my wounds, I drug the upper half of my body with one elbow to turn to the cause of the noise. My jaw dropped at the sight.

Loki's knife dug deep into Thrym's side. Thrym's purple blood gushed out onto the rug and onto Loki's hand, but Loki didn't acknowledge it. Loki's eyes were blazing with fury, and Loki deepend his knife into Thrym with a roar. It was the first time I heard Thrym cry out in pain. 

"Brother" Loki hissed through clenched teeth. 

Thrym looked up at Loki and gave him a bloody smile. "Oh dear brother, this is not over." And with that, a blue mist surrounded Thrym, blocking Loki's view of him. I saw Loki remove his dagger from Thrym's side and take a step back to assess the situation. When the mist had evaporated, Thrym was gone.

Loki ran his fingers through his locks, screaming in anger. It was the last thing I heard as I let myself fall into a calming darkness.

~~~

Little slivers of conversation worked their way into my brain. I could barely hear the whispering. "She gave him wrong information!" I made out Frigga's voice.

A familiar voice huffed in response. "It's not like that will keep him out for long. He's been inside the palace without Heimdall seeing him or any guards noticing him."

Frigga sighed. "Loki, my son, you heard what she said about you,"

"It changes nothing."

"It changes everything!" I could make out the exasperation in Frigga's voice towards her youngest son. She hated arguing with him, but she was desperate for him to see reason.

"Leave it mother," Loki ordered, his voice taking on a tone that was not to be challenged. Frigga obeyed.

I felt horrible for eavesdropping, but I lacked the strength or energy to move my limbs to let them know I was awake. I barely had the energy to keep myself awake, and soon I was drifting again.

It felt like a rabbit hole. No, more like a void. There was no sound, no smell, no contact. I was surrounded by a blur of colors that changed and transformed every moment, transfixing me and scaring me. It had a dreamlike quality to its movements as things would slow down while others sped up. There were flashes of white light that swirled in patterns and passed in front of me. I could almost feel a pull to go down into the hole, going down and down and down. Then there was a kick.

"Sigyn?"

I carefully opened my lids, but the sun was too bright on my sensitive eyes. I squeezed them shut instantly. "Close the curtains!" The voice was starting to sound familiar.

The room got darker, enough for me to comfortably open my eyes and see my surroundings. The first person I noticed was Alva at my side. Her eyes were puffy, her cheekbones were sharper, and her hair was in tangled mess around her. She looked like she hadn't slept in days. But that wasn't possible: I couldn't have been asleep for longer than a few hours?

"Alva" I choked. It was all I could get out before I started into a coughing fit. The nurses came to my side and poured water into my mouth. The head healer, Eir, checked my vitals for any concerns. 

Alva knelt down beside me after I finished my water. "Sister, how could you?" she whispered. I was enchanted with one tear drop that made its way down her cheek and made a stain on m bed sheet. "You put yourself in danger for years without telling me! You were almost killed. I did nothing-"

"Stop, it is no one's fault but mine," I interrupted. "I kept it a secret. It was my burden, but I shouldn't have carried it alone. I know that now."

"They said Prince Loki found you half-dead. He carried you to the healing rooms, dripping in blood himself."

I nodded to let her know I was listening, but I did not dare believe Loki did it out of care or compassion. His mother probably forced him to save my life. I was nothing to him now, right? He said as much, but did something change in him? Everything changed in me; I felt more compelled to him. I had an urging to speak with him, to hear him, to touch him, but I was forbidden these pleasures. These aches were the worst form of punishment I had yet to endure, but the difference with this torture is that it would never stop. 

"The guards never caught Thrym, but the prince injured him badly. They wonder if he's even still alive."

Alva was trying to inform me on what I had missed, but honestly I did not want to talk about Thrym or Loki. Thinking about everything hurt my body and mind, and I desperately needed rest. 

"How is mother and father?" I asked in hopes of steering the conversation away from Loki.

Alva smiled sadly at me. "They are with the Allmother now," she said. "They've been deeply worried for you. You will see them later today if you are up for it."

"Of course," I muttered. I wasn't certain if I could muster the strength for visitors, but for my family I would always try. 

I buried half of my face into the pillow while one eye looked out the window. My eyes were gradually adjusting to the light, and I missed the daytime. I had only been covered by darkness for days. Fresh air was the perfect anecdote for my broken soul. But for now I had to rest since I could not even move my legs without shooting pain running up my thighs and hips. My neck was covered in bandages to dull the pain, but I still felt the burn of where Thrym had attacked me. It brought back memories of that night- Loki, impossibly, seemed to tower above Thrym as he drove his dagger into Thrym's icy flesh over and over again. I had never seen Loki like that, and I didn't want to again. His whole body was on fire with his hatred and anger towards Thrym. But there was another memory I could distantly remember.

I had awoken in Loki's arms. My eyes could not open still, but my mouth did. A pained moan came from my lips, and I felt a cool hand touch my forehead to relieve me of the burning. I knew it was Loki's hand. He had changed form to cool me down and possibly save me. I heard whispering of Old Nordic come from his tongue as he used his magic to relax my body back into sleep. The last thing I recalled before I slept was him whispering "You do not get to leave me yet, dove. Don't do this to me, please."


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was just too inspired not to write another chapter for my lovely audience! It is a shorter chapter, but I'm setting it up for the new development :) COMMENT PLEASE

My mother and father visited me the next morning with breakfast. I was relieved to finally get something in my stomach, but that soon turned to anxiety when I realized this would be the first conversation I had with my parents since my confession. My father took my hand in his and placed his hand on my forehead while my mother sat in a chair placed in the corner and placed her head in her hands. They both looked as if they hadn't slept in days, similar to Alva, and I again had to wonder how long I was out.

"We've been worried for days," my father spoke first. "When we heard you were sent to the dungeons, your mother couldn't stop crying. And then when we heard the agreement between you and the Allmother and your current condition, well... we all came down to the healing room and stayed by your side for all three days."

"Three days?" I exclaimed. I had assumed I was unconscious for maybe a day or two but three was surprising to me. "You all haven't slept in three days?"

"How could we?" my mother spoke up. I could make out the tears that were appearing in her eyes, but she quickly wiped them away. "Our youngest daughter was attacked and left for dead. It's every mother's worst nightmare, not even adding on the stress of your betrayal."

"She did it for us," Alva whispered.

"She did it for herself," my mother spat back.

Alva smiled sadly at me, wishing she could help me, but we both knew how stubborn our mother was. She was too invested in reputation and tradition, and my service to Thrym all but excommunicated me from her. 

"Enough," my father commanded, his voice booming. He held onto my hand as he glared at my mother. "She is still our daughter."

My father ignored my mother's huff and gazed back at me. I could feel his love for me still. I knew my father to be a good and loyal man, and nothing I did would ever get in the way of his love for me. Whereas my mother worried about the palace gossip, my father only cared for his family and their happiness. It wasn't hard to figure out which parent I was going to get along better with when I grew up.

I squeezed his hand gently. "Father," I whispered, my voice cracking. "I'm so sorry."

Father shook his head, not letting me continue. "No, my daughter, I am sorry." I furrowed my brows, confused as to what he could possibly be sorry about. "You were harmed under our care, and we never even knew. We didn't protect you."

It was quite a bittersweet tragedy we were in. I felt a swell of relief and gladness at my family acknowledging my pain, but a sense of guilt for making them think it was their fault. Nothing I would say would convince them otherwise. 

"You could not have known," I muttered. I tried to sit up for breakfast, but my body felt like glass that was breaking. I ignored the aches for my family's sake and reached out for the food on the tray. "Thank you for bringing me breakfast."

My father smiled and nodded, letting me eat in peace. He backed away and sat next to my mother to give me space. Alva stayed standing in her corner and bit her fingernails much to my mother's dismay. Mother would constantly scold Alva for her disgusting behavior, and my father would try to get mother to back off. It was almost like normal.

It was all torn apart when a palace guard showed up in the entryway. "My lord, the Allfather has requested an audience with Lady Sigyn."

I almost laughed at the "lady" since I was certain I was no longer honored as such anymore. My father rose and walked over to the guard. "Tell the Allfther I send my deepest apologies but my daughter cannot walk yet."

The guard nodded, not even hearing his words. "The Allfather has come here to see her, my lord," he responded forcefully.

My father looked taken aback, but he couldn't refuse the king. Soon, Odin walked in and dismissed the guard with a wave of his hand. My family bowed immediately which Odin did not even notice as his eyes burned into mine.

"Child, you put yourself in danger and risked the entire operation just so you could talk back to that revolting creature?" His voice roared throughout the whole room and froze my family to where they stood. "You have had more chances than many, and yet you still seem to disappoint."

I dropped the piece of bread I had been holding and let out a dramatic sigh. "If you had listened Allfather, you would know Thrym does not have reliable information to use for his attack. And anyways, your son stabbed him repeatedly. I would say you have time to relax for a while."

"Foolish girl!" he yelled. 

"She's right," a voice interrupted from the doorway. Loki's dominating figure entered the room, and I could have sworn my heart skipped a beat. Why was he here? I thought I received enough torture already. 

Odin raised his eyebrows at his adopted son. "You would agree with a traitor?" he hissed.

"A traitor she may be, but a bad one at that." His eyes held amusement, but he still did not look my way. "She purposefully gave Thrym wrong information even when we did not know of her service."

"Why not tell us that when she confessed?" Odin challenged.

Loki wouldn't stand down, though. "Would it have mattered?" he retorted. "She admitted to treason; she knew nothing would get her out of punishment."

Odin laughed bitterly and advanced on his son. "You defend her after all she's done to you?"

Loki visibly stiffened at the mention of his own blindness to my crimes. "I do not defend her for she is not a child," he spat. "I am simply telling you what has transpired, but if you wish to test my anger towards the woman then please, go ahead."

The air thickened with the tension between father and son. As a prince, Loki learned never to question or rebel against his father in public, and yet here he was. Odin did not even attempt to contain his rage at Loki's disrespect. "Then it will be you who escorts her to Jotunheim for her exile."

Loki took a step back, as if surrendering, and parted his mouth in surprise. He looked like he wanted to say something, argue some more, but no words spilled out. The only noise in the room was my mother's sobs.

"Jotunheim?" my father involuntarily shouted. "My king, you cannot be serious."

"I am," Odin cut my father off. "Once she has recovered, she will go the place she has tried so hard to protect. When she arrives without my son and with the news that Thrym has been fatally wounded, I wonder how those precious creatures will treat her then?"

Before my father could protest, Odin stormed out of the room with his guards following him. Loki gazed at my father out of the corner of his eye, and, finally, made eye contact with me. I wished he hadn't- I saw his pain, his hurt, his misery- it was too much for me to stomach.

Loki walked over to my father and spoke quietly into his ear, but I could still hear him. "I will resolve this. I will do whatever I can to make sure she does not get sent to Jotunheim."

I moved the tray off my bed, drawing everyone's attention to me. "My prince," I spoke softly, "I do not mind living in Jotunheim. It is true the weather conditions are less than favorable, but I do not mind the cold. The people and the lifestyle are more than welcoming enough for me."

No words were said as Loki took the time to stare me down. It was as if he was trying to figure out if I was lying or not, but, being the God of Lies, he knew I was telling the truth. He just didn't accept it. Loki's fists were clenched at his side, and I imagined him punching through a wall, which he could do easily with all his strength. His power scared and intrigued me; it always did, but now he was lost to me. That was one truth I couldn't accept either.

Loki nodded to both my parents, who bowed respectfully to their prince, and took his leave. I could hear Alva let out a breath that she had been holding, but I felt the opposite way. I had been left breathless by the man I loved and could never have.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your lovely comments! They made me so immensely happy, you guys have no idea. But here is the new chapter, and I hope it was worth the wait. Also I incorporated a little Doctor Who quote so let's see who finds it first. Feedback is always appreciated!

"You will die!"

Sighing loudly, I continued to pack all my belongings, especially the warmer clothes, into my case. I was going away forever, as far as I knew, and I needed to gather everything within a day. It wasn't enough time for me, but I would make time. I was starting a new life so I couldn't leave anything behind.

This was all hard to focus on with Alva constantly yelling at me. Neither she nor my parents believed I was capable of living in Jotunheim on my own or that Jotunns weren't all monsters. They were all so wrapped up in the fairytales and war stories they were told as children, that I was told as a child, that they could not think of the frost giants as anything but evil.

"I will die, eventually, but not after a long life in Jotunheim," I muttered, refusing to look at Alva. Most of my things had been packed already, but now I was just checking on my valuables- my jewelry, my books, and my Vana knives.

"I didn't know you brought those to Asgard," Alva admitted.

"I did not tell anyone," I responded. "They are banned, but they are still my best weapons. I wouldn't leave anywhere without them."

The door opened suddenly so I rapidly put the knives in between my clothes to hide them. A guard appeared at my doorway within seconds and stood still. "Prince Loki of Asgard."

I was still in such a state of shock that I forgot to close my mouth as Loki strolled into my chambers. Even Alva couldn't stop staring at him, surprised and confused.

Loki looked at me expectantly before talking. "Are you ready to go?" he asked as if it was obvious that was what he was there for.

"Oh," I stuttered. I wasn't actually expecting him to escort me to Jotunheim, but knowing Odin, he probably did not have a choice in the matter. "Yes, my prince, I believe I am."

He nodded, waiting at my door as I gathered my things. I could feel Alva raging as Loki did nothing to help me, but it was no trouble for me. I refused to ask Loki for help for anything anymore. I didn't deserve it.

I followed Loki all the way to the Bifrost where my family waited for me along with the royal family. Frigga's smile was sad, but her husband remained reserved and stoic. My father hugged me one last time, his tearful farewell causing my own tears. I bowed respectfully to my mother, knowing she wouldn't want an emotional goodbye before kissing my sister's hand. She was trembling, obviously afraid for me.

"Take care of them and yourself," I whispered. I cupped her cheek with my hand, wiping away a tear. "And even if you listen to nothing else, listen to this- you're always going to be afraid, even if you learn to hide it. But that's okay. Fear doesn't have to make you cruel or cowardly. Fear can make you kind."

Alva let out a strangled sob but nodded. I let go of her and walked over to where Loki was standing. He instructed me where to stand as everyone else stepped back. I watched as Heimdall grabbed ahold of his sword and pushing it deep its stand. Then I saw a blur of colors.

~~~

The colors flew around me, being pulled in every direction. It felt like my dream when I was unconscious in the healing rooms. Some force was pulling my body down as if I was being sucked in. I couldn't see Loki or hear him, but I assumed he was feeling the same things I were. 

Finally, I landed on frozen land. It was my first time using the Bifrost, and I wasn't prepared for the hard landing, which caused me to fall. I hit the ground with a smack before pulling myself up on my elbows.

A dark shadow loomed over me, and I looked up to find Loki glaring at me. "Get up," he commanded. "We need to move fast. I don't want to be here longer than I have to be."

He walked away from me as I stood up, brushing the snow off my pants. I caught up with him, making sure to be a foot or two behind him to avoid conversation. The worst was talking to fill the silence. This silence needed to be there; it didn't need to be filled with useless jumble, and I could tell Loki felt the same.

We walked for a few hours before the wind started to pick up. It felt like shards of glass scratching my face, and I remembered why I never came to the edge of the realm. The wind was horrible here, and the creatures and plants were deadly. Mostly everything was destroyed here, but those that weren't, were dangerous. 

I spotted a cave in the distance, and relief swam over me. "We're going to need to sleep in the cave tonight if we ever want to make it to the city alive," I stated.

Loki turned sharply, startling me. "We will walk until I tell us to stop."

I rolled my eyes. If he was going to act like a child, then I was having none of it. I was trying to survive. "You can keep walking if you so desire, but I'm trying not to die of frostbite. So if you want to, kill me, but I'm finding shelter in that cave."

I brushed past him and made my way into the dark cave. The floor was sprinkled with snow, and I could still feel the harsh winds, but the deeper I went, and the warmer I felt. I could hear Loki's footsteps following me, but he refused to say anything, and that was fine by me.

I quickly made a fire, before setting out some blankets to make myself a sleeping area. Then I took out some bread that Briseis had snuck to me and began to chew on it.

"Why not simply go out and pick the berries from those plants rather than waste all the food you have?" His lips were pressed into a thin line as he readied himself for bed.

I laughed to myself. "You want some berries? Fine, but you will die a painful and slow death because those berries are poisonous. In fact so they're so poisonous that they kill all other living plants around them. But be my guest."

I could feel Loki's eyes burn into my back. "Watch how you speak to your prince," he snarled.

Facing him, I leaned on the rock wall and continued to eat my bread. "Out here, there are no princes," I taunted. "There is only the living and the dead. I was just trying to help you out to keep you as the living, but if my help is not appreciated, I wont advise you again."

"That would be wise" he spat. "It would be better for the both of us if you did not speak at all." 

The prince was surprised by my chuckle, looking at me as if I had gone mad. "You're so blinded by your hatred of me that you cannot help but act like a child-"

"How dare you?" he yelled.

"You know, I've had that exact same question asked towards me three times before," I mumbled, recalling how Odin yelled the same thing not only days earlier.

Loki scoffed. "How could I have been so stupid as to trust you? All you do is tear things apart."

His words stung my heart. That was the fear I had always kept hidden- that others would see me as a monster. I did not think I was one, but I started to act like it more and more. People create the things they dread, I guess.

"You don't have to worry about that anymore," I whispered. "After tomorrow, you will never see me again. You will return to Asgard, live your life, and forget me. And forget Jotunheim in all its ruin."

"Jotunheim is in ruin because their king made it that way," Loki argued. "He does not know how to lead or rule, and this is the result of it."

I narrowed my eyes slightly at Loki. "King Laufey is a good ruler," I defended. "The realm is in trouble because the Allfather took their power source as a relic for his own amusement. He took the thing Jotunheim needs to live!"

"Because they fought Asgard and lost. That is what happens to those who are defeated in battle- they lose everything."

"Even sons."

Loki advanced on me more quickly than I anticipated and soon was backed up into the wall. Loki's hand grabbed my throat and applied pressure, but I could still breathe. Again, he was warning me. "Do not speak of that ever again or I will fill your dreams with every nightmare you feared as a child until they begin to haunt you in the daylight."

I took the time to really analyze his eyes, and I saw fear. That was the one emotion that stood above all the rest, and the one he hid best. "Why are you so afraid of what you are?" I whispered.

"Shut up!" he shouted. He took the hand from my throat, brought it up, and hit the wall on the side of my head. Pieces of rock crumbled onto the ground, and the solid rock wall actually had a dent in it. "No more warnings" he threatened. His voice lowered into a menacing tone, and this time I took the warning seriously.

Loki went back to his sleeping area and turned his back on me. I assumed that meant I had the first watch then. I grabbed my Vana knives and huddled near the entrance of the cave, far enough to not be hurt by the winds.

I sat down and kept my eyes on the desolated realm. In some ways, it was beautiful. The entire ground was covered in white with some areas of blue sticking out. The sky was a dark black, and one could see every star in the sky. 

I was content to spend the rest of my days here, but I couldn't stand to leave my loved ones behind. I knew it was the best option I could have hoped for, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. And what hurt worst of all was Loki's attitude towards me. I didn't know if he was still hurt or if he just simply hated me now. Some part of me wished for the latter just so it would be easier for me to move on, but another part of me knew I wouldn't be able to handle his hatred. If he truly hated me, he wouldn't be shouting or arguing with me, he would act indifferent towards me. That was something I couldn't stand, and he knew it.

So instead, we fought. It didn't surprise me, the vicious tone he took with me and his hurtful words, but how easily it came to him. I heard the stories of his temper and rage, but he hadn't shown that side of him until my confession. Now I knew who he really was, and it didn't change my feelings for him one bit. I just grew to accept him. I despised his anger, his rage, and his apathy, but I couldn't bring myself to hate him.

I tried to relax and get comfortable against the rocky wall. I didn't know how long he expected me to keep watch, but if it was all night, I had to be prepared. It was better if I stayed awake all night then no one keep watch. Who know what was lurking in the shadows out there? 

To say I was exhausted was an understatement, and, eventually, my tiredness and soreness came over me. They claimed my body and my mind, and I found myself drifting even against the jutted rocks in my back. Visions of blue and white overwhelmed my dreams.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We had to hit rock bottom to come back up! Feedback please :)

I woke up to the sound of the fire crackling and wood being moved around. Sitting up, I saw that I was back in the deeper rooms of the cave with a fire warming me up. Loki was tending to the fire, ignoring my presence. I knew he could tell I was awake, but he just choose not to say anything.

Pulling myself up, I started to walk back towards the entrance of the cave. I felt disappointed in myself for falling asleep during my watch. It wasn't like me. I was usually so alert and talented at hearing quiet movement and sounds in the night.

Suddenly, I was met with a pile of frozen ice blocking my path to the entrance. My fingers slightly brushed the ice, feeling a slight burn from the freezing temperatures, and pulled away quickly.

"There was an ice storm last night," Loki informed me, still not looking at me. Looks like we're back to not making eye contact.

"You dragged me back inside the cave?" I asked.

Loki threw more wood inside the fire before finally sitting down on the hard floor. "No, I carried you," he muttered. "I am not a brute."

I nodded and sat across from him with the fire between us. "How did you know the storm was coming?"

Loki took out a piece of bread from our provisions and split it in half. He handed it to me, which I accepted graciously, but when our fingers touched I still felt that jolt of electricity. I would rather feel pain than that spark again.

"I heard the wind pick up speed. It woke me up so I went to check if you were alive and brought you back here before the ice could freeze you over."

It was weirdly thoughtful, but I didn't let myself have too much hope. "Thanks," I mumbled. I went back to nibbling on my bread, but Loki stared at me from across the fire.

"You took watch last night, why?" he questioned.

I shrugged, swallowing my food. "You didn't offer to take the first one, so I thought I would do it. It would've been unwise to be so vulnerable at night around here."

"You could've just asked me to take the watch since you were obviously so tired."

"Really?" I snapped. "Because you were so welcoming last night? I'm not an idiot, you would have laughed in my face."

Loki's perfectly-shaped brow rose. "You are correct," he said, impressed. "Still, you weren't much of a guard when you fell asleep."

I took a heavy breath to try to keep the tears down. He just wanted to make every second of this trip miserable for me. I didn't blame him; I deserved it. I just wish he would ignore me instead.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. I finished my piece of bread and leaned against the cave wall.

"For sleeping?"

"For lying, for betraying you," I rushed out, "for ruining your family, for hurting my family, for living, for breathing- all of it."

Loki coughed, choking on his bread. It was rare to catch the God of Mischief off guard. "Well," he stuttered, regaining his composure, "that was a lovely speech, but what's done is done. There's no going back."

"No, there isn't," I agreed. "And yet you still carried me from the cave entrance."

Loki stopped dead in his tracks. He glared at me, analyzing me as if I were a piece of paper he needed to read before making a decision. I could see his jaw clench in anger and knuckles turn white as he squeezed them into fists at his side. "Because for all your flaws, all you traitorous actions, I cannot bring myself to feel nothing for you."

I watched him as he stood and brushed his hand through his hair, frustrated. "You were someone I was supposed to share my life with," he started. "We were to be wed, you were to carry my children. We were to be happy!"

He turned back sharply to me. His eyes were blazing. "And you ruined all that," he hissed. "Yes, I admit, my reputation does proceed me when it comes to my bedroom activities, but I was willing to put that all aside because I knew I needed to be a better husband than Odin was to Frigga."

His confession startled me. I had never seen this side of Loki before. His vulnerability and honesty scared and fascinated me. Who knew the God of Lies could be so honest with another person?

"You may not believe me, but I would've treated you like the queen you were meant to be," he breathed out.

I didn't realize I had been crying until I reached up and felt the tears on my cheeks. He just admitted his every fear to me, all his anger lay bare for me to see. He had wanted me like I wanted him. Arranged marriages were never perfect, but maybe, perhaps, we could've been good together.

How could I even let myself think that? I ruined it all, Loki had said it himself. I was no better than a common wench in his eyes now. I was no lady, no princess, and definitely no queen.

I wiped my tears away, but I couldn't stop the rest from falling out. "I fell for you, you know," I admitted so quietly that I feared Loki did not hear me. But his surprised reaction told me otherwise. "That's why I gave Thrym the wrong book and told Odin everything. I couldn't bear to see you hurt. Yet I did it all myself."

To my surprise, Loki's eyes softened. I saw his body visibly relax, and he slumped back to the ground.

"I was so angry at you." It felt as if he was talking to himself, but I knew his words were meant for me. "I blamed you for everything that I never took the time to think about what he did to you. What my brother put you through."

"He may be related to you by blood, but he is not your brother, Loki. Thor is your brother."

Loki sighed deeply. His face was marked by frown spots, but I could see the young and lively energy still left inside his eyes. I did not want him to give it up or let it fade away. He had so much more to do in his life than be angry.

"You may be right," he whispered.

The silence between us wasn't thick or uncomfortable. It hit me like a door opening to another side, a side of discoveries and possibilities. The door to truth. It was a comfortable quietness that creeped over us. Both our heads were being flooded with thoughts, we didn't seem to mind this lingering silence.

Loki was the first to speak up. "Why did you do it?" His voice was almost inaudible, but after such a long silence, my hearing had increased.

It did not seem to me that his question was to be answered. He knew why I did it. He understood why I sacrificed our relationship. I had barely known him meanwhile Thrym was my whole world. He controlled every aspect of my life long before I could feel an emotion as strong as love or hate. Growing up, I had no choice but to follow him. Now, I was ready to take him down.

~~~

The rest of the day we switched from tending the fire to rationing our provisions to sleeping. There were little intervals where we would talk and discuss what to do when the ice finally gave way. I suggested using his magic or my Vana knives, which he was pleasantly surprised to discover I still had with me, but the ice was too unstable. One wrong move, and the whole cave could collapse.

My heart still fluttered when he said my name, and I would still get goosebumps when he would laugh, but I found myself enjoying his company. After his outburst, Loki decided to relax around me. He seemed to come to terms with my circumstances, but I wasn't sure forgiveness was ahead for me.

His smile was Valhalla to me, but I knew I was destined for Hel.

"Would you like me to take first watch tonight?" he offered kindly. He was smiling at me, but the hurt in his eyes was still visible.

I nodded my head. "If you want to, my prince. Though, with the ice blocking our entrance, we might not need one."

"Better safe than sorry," he teased. I laughed in agreement. He watched me settle into my sleeping area before saying, "Call me Loki."

I put my head on my arms as I lay on my side, facing him. We looked at each other, two exposed minds running rampant without the other. "I thought only your friends called you Loki," I whispered.

Loki's lips turned into a sad smile. "We may not be friends, but we are no longer enemies."

I didn't think there was any way for us to be friends, at least not with my feelings towards him. But I said nothing.

I closed my eyes, feeling safe knowing Loki was watching over me. I savored it for as long as I could before falling into deep slumber, wondering if I would ever feel this safe again. After this, we would part ways forever. His path towards success while mine was towards survival.

Loki's eyes were scanning my body, admiring every curve. I felt my heart bounce in my chest but made no movements. I was uncertain if he knew I was still awake. Honestly, I didn't wan the moment to end, and my movements could've ruined it.

After a few long minutes, I opened my eyes to see Loki still staring at me.

"We could never be friends Loki," I admitted. "Our hearts wouldn't allow it."

Loki didn't react to my statement. Instead, he sauntered over to my area, walking quietly and smoothly. He lay down behind me, grabbing my waist and pulling me closer towards him. His hands found mine, and he intertwined our fingers.

I was sure he could hear my heart at this point, but he didn't acknowledge it. My head was against his hard, lean chest so I could hear his measured breathing. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. It was a melody that brought me to sleep peacefully in his arms. My body was filling up with jolts of electricity, but the rhythm of his heart beart calmed me immensely.

My mind screamed at me to throw him off, that this kind of hope was deadly to my soul. I would never see Loki again, I was sure of it. So tonight, I would allow myself the indulgence. I would let myself find out what Valhalla really feels like.

It did not disappoint.


End file.
